Working Moms Myths
1. Working moms choose to work.I heard that for years, and was even guilty of feeling that way myself - until I had to go back to work. Most working moms work because they have to, not because they want to. Many of my friends are the co-breadwinner or the primary breadwinner in their family. Their husbands work, too - the wife just happens to be in a field that earns more money or is in higher demand. Or in some cases, she is a single mom, and is therefore the sole source of income for her children. Some moms do choose to work and truly feel called to work, but at least in my experience, the majority of working moms don't have a choice.
2. Working moms could cut back their standard of living and stay home.
Again, most moms work because they have to. They struggle to stay within their budget, just like SAHM's. They clip coupons, shop from clearance racks, and plan their shopping trips carefully. They are working for living expenses, not extras and "toys." Someone asked me recently why I don't just quit my job and focus on school. I replied, "Because if I quit my job, I'll have to quit school - I don't work for extra money, I work because we have to have the money."
3. Working moms don't put their family first.
If staying home means your family going under financially, then going to work is putting your family first. As a working mom, I put priority on spending time with my family on my days off and in the evenings. Family mealtimes are important, and I spend every moment I can with my husband and kids. I even chose a career that allows a lot of flexibility so that I can be with my family more.
4. Housekeeping is easier for working moms because no one is home all day.
Same amount of chores - drastically less time to do them. Enough said.
5. Working moms have lots of support.
Do a Google search for Christian working mom. You'll find a great website by Kimberly Chastain on the first two links...on the third, you'll find an article stating that a woman's only roles in life should be to "get married, have children, guide the house, and live a perfect testimony so not once can the adversary (Satan) say anything reproachful about you." There is so little support out there for Christian moms who work outside the home. Critics are everywhere...support isn't.
You're the first person I've come across who understands that many women, like me, don't have a better choice than to go back to work. If I were not to work, we would be around £500 a month short of essentials like food, car tax, basic clothes. I would be at home with no car (we'd have to sell one), no easy public transport, no money to join baby activities (and meet other mums) and mounting debts. Or we could move into a tiny flat in a rough part of town, where our child would grow up surrounded by violence/bad attitudes.
ReplyDeletePart-time work that covers childcare costs is rare. My husband doesn't earn much more than me to compensate. My work refused my request for reduced hours, as is their right.
So my only realistic option was to return to work full time and look out for (non-existent) reasonably well paid part time jobs.
I'm not at peace with the situation, but I know it makes sense. I suppose I can't make peace with it as, despite being happy that we have more equality these days and that we are much more well off, I still feel cheated out of a proper motherhood by economics.
I think the whole argument about mothers choosing to work is outdated. I saw a survey recently that said that around 80% of full time working mothers of young children would rather work less. There's not much choice in that. You could argue that's as damaging for all concerned as women being forced to stay in the home.
Thank you for your insightful post and I apologise for the slight rant!
In my case, while of course my income as a work out of the home mom is part of our monthly budget, I also work because my hubby is self employed and I carry our family's insurance. I just love finding Christian blogs that are written by working Mama's! Not easy to say the least!
ReplyDeleteJulie