When Your Dreams Scare You

There's a reason we call them "God-sized dreams."  They are dreams that are so much bigger than us - and for that reason, they can be terrifying dreams. 

I'm not a brave woman.  I'll be honest - I'm a chicken.  There are a lot of things that scare me.  Storms.  Heights.  Clowns.  (Don't laugh - there's a reason behind it.)  There are a lot of things that absolutely terrify me about my dream of writing.  I'm afraid of failure.  I'm afraid of what other people will think.  I'm afraid of rejection.  I dream of writing fiction, but I'm afraid of what will people think if I write what I love (mysteries) and let them see the darker side of my personality.  People tell me I'm nice, quiet, sweet - what will they think when they find out that's not quite so true, that I want to write about murderers and the people who track thrm down?

But I can't deny that writing is a part of who I am.  From the journals I've kept since childhood, to my overactive imagination, to the stories I've written in my head for so many years - I love writing.  I've dreamed of it for years, but always convinced myself I wasn't good enough.  But these past few months, it's become a dream I can't push aside any longer.  I have to write.  Even if its never published.  I can't not write.

I write stories about characters I could never be like.  I write stories about things I could never face.  I write stories that have my nerves on edge.  I put myself, heart and soul, into my writing, and putting it out there for people to read and judge - it's scary.  I'm putting a piece of myself out there for people to judge.  I'm an introvert, yet writing forces me to go way outside my comfort zone.  

But I can't deny that this is a God thing.  I know, beyond doubt, that He is leading me in this writing journey.  He is the One who whispered to my heart, reawakening this dream that had been put aside for so long.  He is the One who confirmed my dream in very specific ways.  I can't worry about what others think - only what God thinks, because He is the Giver of this dream.