When I Run

It's so easy to get overwhelmed.  It happens way too often for me.  Life starts throwing too much my way, and I find myself stressed out, restless, ready to throw my hands up and run away from it all.

Recently, I studied Psalm 71, and verse 3 jumped out at me: "Be to me a rock of habitation to which I may continually come; You have given commandment to save me, For You are my rock and my fortress."  I love this verse!  Look at the ways God is described in this short segment:

1. Our habitation
A habitat is defined as "a natural home."  That is exactly what God should be - our natural home, where we continually stay with Him, where we take shelter in the hard times and find rest in the good times.  It can also be defined as a retreat, a place to run for safety. 

 

2. Our rock
In this verse, rock refers to a fortress or strong hold.  It also infers strength and might.  God is the strong One, the foundation we can build our lives on.  He will help us stand strong.

3. Our fortress
God is our safe place, no matter what storms rage around us.  He is the refuge we can run to whenever we need Him.  He is our protection.

Best of all, we can continually go to God!  One definition of "continually" refers to daily, regularly coming to God.  He wants us to make Him an integral part of our lives.  When we feel stress building and life seems to overwhelm us, we can run to our refuge, over and over again.  He will give us strength and keep us safe.

Staying Focused

We're almost at the end of the summer Hello Mornings session.  Where did the summer go???  How is it going - is it going well, or are you struggling?  If you're struggling, don't worry - you're not alone.  Confession time: sometimes I struggle with my Hello Mornings. (Click to Tweet that!)

This is not my first time to do the challenge - actually, I can't remember if it's my fifth or sixth challenge - but I still find myself struggling from time to time.  My biggest challenge isn't getting up early.  After finally finishing three years of juggling full-time college with a family and an almost full-time job, a 6:00 a.m. wakeup is considered "sleeping in" for me.  I can get up with no problem.  What I struggle with is staying focused.

Too many times, my morning goes like this:
5:00 a.m. - Get up, check emails on phone, make coffee
5:10 a.m. - Check in on Twitter
5:15 a.m. - Still on Twitter, because I had to read more about that post
5:20 a.m. - Chatting on Twitter
5:25 a.m. - Move to Facebook
5:30 a.m. - Check Pinterest
5:45 a.m. - Finally pick up my Bible and journal
6:00 a.m. - Back to my phone to follow up on an email

Ok, y'all, fess up - I know I'm not the only one who battles distractions!

My morning time is limited.  I often have to leave my house at 7:00, and I want to maximize my time.  I have a few strategies I'm using to help curb distractions and keep me focused:

Create a schedule.

I wrote out a simple schedule a few months ago to help me stay focused.  If I find myself wandering, I go back to this.  Sure, checking in with my group is important - but spending time in the Word is much more important.

Set a timer for your phone or computer time.

Limit yourself - whether it's five minutes or thirty minutes, decide what is absolutely essential to start your day, and stick with it.

Be accountable!
Let your Hello Mornings group know you're struggling.  They are there to help you - and they have probably struggled with same issue at some point.

Stick with it and finish strong!

Messy Faith

My morning time with God isn't pretty.  I have notebooks and journals spread out all over the couch.  My messenger bag hangs open.  Sharpie pens and colored pencils roll around amid notebook paper and printouts of maps or reading schedules.  My Kindle and iPhone are hidden somewhere under a journal or stack of pages.  And there I sit, in the middle of it all, wrapped up in my big ol' fuzzy blanket.  It's a mess.

But it works beautifully.  I lose losing myself in Bible study, prayer, and journaling during those early morning hours while everyone else sleeps.  I love digging deep and letting God's Word seep into my heart.  I love sitting, quietly listening, until God speaks to me.  I love my early mornings with just me and God...and coffee.  Always coffee.

If you want to know the truth, my faith is like that, too.  It's messy.  I'm all over the place.  I'm up and down, victorious one minute, struggling for air the next.  So often, I'm right in the middle of a big mess, trying to find peace in the midst of chaos.  And every time I look, I find God - right there in the middle of it all, with me, just waiting for me to reach for Him.  He's in the middle of the mess.  Even when life isn't pretty, He takes my tiny bit of faith, and makes it something beautiful.

God-sized Dreams Come True

This past weekend was proof that God-sized dreams really do come true.  After a year of prerequisite classes, two years in the dental hygiene program, dozens of patients, thousands of tears, lots of struggles and doubts, and a lot of sacrifices, my God-sized dream came true.  I graduated Friday night with my Associate of Applied Science in Dental Hygiene.

I heard my family cheering as I walked in.  I raised my hand, with many others, as a first-generation college grad.  I looked into the stands to see my husband grinning from ear to ear.  I made it across the stage before I started crying with pure joy. 

The night before, my husband surprised me with a big graduation party.  It was the most amazing few days, and definitely one of the proudest moments of my life.

 

I still have a few more steps to take.  I've already taken my national board and am waiting on the results to come in.  Saturday I will take my regional (practical) board.  Once all my test results are in, I just have to apply for my license, and within a few weeks, I will officially be an RDH (registered dental hygienist).  God-sized dreams really do come true!

 

Saying Hello Mornings

I haven't always been a morning person.  In fact, this pretty much sums up how I used to feel about mornings:

Don't you love Grumpy Cat?  (Ok, confession - I still feel that way until I've had my coffee.  My family knows not to talk to me until I'm caffinated.) 

I wasn't a morning person, but a few years ago, everything changed, thanks to the Hello Mornings Challenge.  This amazing group of ladies have supported me and encouraged me through three years of college and a lots of ups and downs.  I've been honored to serve as an Accountability Captain for the past several sessions, and I'm excited to start the summer challenge tomorrow with my group. 

If you're wondering how to start having daily time with God or how to structure your quiet time, here's an example of what I do:

 

If this seems overwhelming, start smaller - start with a check in, prayer, and Bible study.  The most important thing is just to start and stick with it.  It's about making a change and finding grace.  Ready to start with me?

The Giver of Dreams

I talk to God a lot about my dreams, especially when the road to them gets rocky.  I'm just weeks away from graduating with an associate of science degree in dental hygiene.  By the end of summer, I will be a registered dental hygienist.  It's the culmination of a dream, but this has been, without a doubt, the hardest two years of my life.  It has never been an easy road.

I asked God why a few months back.  Why has this road been so hard?  Why has it been such a struggle when I felt so strongly that this was the right path?  God's answer, then and every time since that I've asked that question, is the same: "Do you trust Me?"

Sunday night, we had one of our conversations as I fought off another panic attack brought on by school...
Me: "I'm so scared, God.  I have to pass this semester."
God: "I've got this."
Me: "We've invested so much in this, and I'm almost out of time."
God: "Have I ever failed you?"
Me: "No.  You've never failed me."
God: "Even when it came down to the wire?"
Me: "No, not even then."
God: "And I won't start now.  Do you trust me?"

Going back to college in my 30's has been a long, hard lesson in fully trusting God, and I'm sure this isn't the end.  I'm getting ready to move into new dreams, and I know chasing my writing dreams  will bring its own set of struggles.  Recently, I asked God to confirm some things about my future in writing - and He did, loud and clear.  I'm ready, because I know that God will be there to lead me through it.  He gave me these dreams, so He's going to be with me every step of the way.  I just have to trust Him.

Broken

We are all so easily broken. We are fragile. We are weak. We are shattered. We are sinners. We are failures. We slip and fall so easily. We walk away from God. We turn our backs on grace. We cling tightly to the very things that hold us back and weigh us down. We are all a mess. God wants us - all of us - but all we have to offer Him is brokenness. It's such an imperfect gift to offer a perfect God.

That's why Jesus offered us a broken gift in return - His own broken body, hanging on a cross, paying the penalty we deserved. He allowed Himself to be broken so that we could be made whole. All He asks for is our heart. He doesn't want our heart because its perfect. He wants it because its broken, and He's the only One who can make it whole.

He can take our broken gift and make it beautiful. He can can give us beauty for ashes. He loves us in spite of our brokenness - because of our brokenness - and He waits with open arms to give us the gifts He gave His life for.

When You Want To Lay Down Your Dreams

Some days, I just want to quit. Give up, lay down my dreams, and walk away. It's too hard. It's too much. I'm not even sure I want this anymore. I'm shattered and exhausted and I just want the struggle to be over. I'm weary to the bone. If I had known chasing my dreams would leave me so worn and sometimes even heartbroken, I don't think I would have started.

But I did start, with a leap of faith.  I had high hopes, a little bit of confidence, and a whole lot of fear. I set out on this path of crazy dreams because I knew, deep down in my soul, that this was what God wanted. He opened too many doors for this to be the wrong way. He worked too many details out for this be coincidence. He answered too many prayers for this to be anything but his will.

It wasn't long before the battles started, though, and doubt started creeping in. This was not an easy road. The harder things got, the more my confidence slipped. If this was what He wanted, then why was it so hard? Shouldn't it be easier to follow His plan? Shouldn't He pave the way and make things easier for me here?

As I wondered if I made a mistake, God gently reminded me that His will is never followed without a fight. Abraham hoped in God until it looked like all hope was lost - then God came through and fulfilled His promises. Noah was mocked and scorned as he spent years following God while no one else understood. David ran from Saul and faced many attempts on his life before he became king. Following God's plan left them shattered and broken - but that just made their stories all the more amazing. We look up to them as heroes, not just because they followed God, but because they followed Him when it was hard. They followed Him when they didn't understand. They followed Him when they doubted.  They followed Him when they were scared to death.

I don't understand why this road had been so much harder than I imagined. I've cried so many tears. I've faced times when all hope seemed to fade away. I've failed more times than I can count. I've come to the end of my strength and realized that God is my only hope of seeing this through, so I cling to Him with all that I have left.

Maybe that's the point - when we're ready to quit, ready to lay down our dreams and walk away, God stands by, ready to pick them up and carry them for us. He stands ready to show us that our dreams will only be accomplished through Him. He is our strength. He is our hope. He is the One who gave us our dreams in the first place, and He is the One who will carry us through to the finish line.

Broken Gifts

We sing it often, but that night, during worship service, the song reached out and grabbed me. One line stabbed my heart: "So what can I say, what can I do, but offer this heart, oh God, completely to you?"

I stopped singing, overwhelmed, heart heavy. Why would He want that? My heart is quick to forget His promises and quick to turn to sin. My heart turns from His Word and runs to the lies of the enemy. My heart has belonged to Him since I was just a little girl, but it knows so little and trusts even less. I fail Him every day. I let Him down. Why would He want such an imperfect gift as my broken, scarred, and fearful heart?

I stood condemning myself as the service went on around me. Unrelenting stress has been a constant lately, pushing me to my breaking point, and sometimes even beyond. I've melted down and lashed out at those I love. I've pushed away from friends, hiding in solitude so they can't see how close I am to breaking. I've even pushed away from God - the One who made me, the only One who can truly help me. Why would He want my heart?

Yet that's exactly what He asks for. It's really all He asks for. He stands, hands outstretched, asking me to bring Him my broken gifts - my emptiness, my failures, my scars. He wants my heart, full of sin and fear and pain. He reaches out for my gift of perfect imperfection. And the gifts He returns to me are so much sweeter.

He calms my fears. He fills the empty places with more of Himself. He shows me the purpose for the scars. He forgives my sins. He picks up the pieces of my broken heart and life, and He makes them whole. He whispers peace to my frantic soul. And He doesn't give up. He does it over and over and over again. Like a daddy when his little girl is learning to ride a bike - when I fall down, He gently picks me, brushes off the dirt, and gives me a gentle nudge to try again. When I come to Him with my failings, feeling so unworthy, He forgives my sins, lifts my head, and gives me strength for another day, another battle, another step.

I was praying and journaling recently, and I got brutally honest with God about where I am. I admitted to Him, "I'm kind of a mess right now." His reply was immediate: "Do you think I love you any less?" No, He doesn't love me less. In my brokenness, He holds me even closer and shows me more of His grace. He pours out His love and mercy, showing me just how much He treasures my broken gifts.

 

Dreaming Big for the New Year

Although it's not getting off to quite the start I expected, I'm so excited about the new year!  I love the fresh start and the clean slate of a new year.  I'm preparing to start a new Bible study (with the new Hello Mornings challenge starting later this month).  I'm writing the first words in my new journal for the year.  I'm looking forward to launching a new career after I graduate in May.  (Just four more months...not that anyone's counting the days.)

Over the last year, as I drew closer to God, He spoke to me about dreams.  He planted big dreams - God-sized dreams - in my heart, and He reawakened dreams that I had long ago let die.  As I've prayed for direction and conformation, He has sent it.  Although these dreams sometimes leaving me shaking in my boots, I know I'm headed in the right direction, and I'm excited about working toward those goals this year.

Last year, I set my first one word resolution for the year - finish.  This year, I did it again.  My word for 2013:

On Monday, I'll share on Must Love God about why I chose "reckless" as my resolution for the year.  It's fits perfectly with the dreams God has planted in my heart, though.

However, as I mentioned, this year hasn't started quite like I expected.  On Sunday night, my husband's precious 86 year old grandmother went home to be with Jesus.  As soon the funeral ends, I have to make a long drive to Dallas for a three-day review for the Dental Hygiene National Boards.  Its going to be a long week for all of us, and your prayers would be appreciated.

The Little Girl Who Dreamed Big Dreams

I stumbled across something recently, while I was saving documents from my laptop onto a flash drive.  I found an awesome poem template a while back as part of a blog hop, and I saved both the template and my poem.  The poem itself is a little long to share, but the main part that struck me is the end…

… from the little girl who dreamed big dreams and prayed big prayers and still stands amazed that God did so much more than she ever dreamed of, whose heart is full and happy.

I texted my childhood best friend the other day.  We’ve been friends since we were 10 years old…over 20 years ago…wow, that makes me feel old!  Even though we live several hours apart now, we’ve kept in touch over the years, both online and by phone, still getting together whenever we can.  As we chatted, I thought about how far God has brought us. 

We both came from broken homes…her parents were divorced, and my grandparents raised me.  We spent hours talking as kids about our dreams for the future – dreams that included happy marriages and normal families, things we didn’t see in our homes, things that other people took for granted.  We cried a lot of tears together and held each other up through some pretty tough times.

Now we talk about our husbands – both of us married for 12 years, our anniversaries just a month apart – and our kids, two each.  We talk about our careers – she is in nursing, and I am (almost) in dental hygiene – just seven more months!  We talk about missions trips – she’s signed up for one next year, and I’m looking into a possible one.  God has brought us so far.  It hasn’t always been easy – both of us have hit some major bumps in the road along the way – but God has been faithful.  So faithful…so much more than I ever could have dreamed as a little girl in a little town in south Arkansas.

Despite all His faithfulness, it’s easy to forget…when stress takes over and deadlines loom and life runs me ragged, it’s easy to forget how far He has brought me.  But I can’t forget.  He’s been too good for me to forget.  One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my life is this: Don’t give up, no matter how bad things seem, because He is faithful.  Dare to dream big dreams, and see what He can do!