Monday, March 25, 2013
When You Want To Lay Down Your Dreams
Some days, I just want to quit. Give up, lay down my dreams, and walk away. It's too hard. It's too much. I'm not even sure I want this anymore. I'm shattered and exhausted and I just want the struggle to be over. I'm weary to the bone. If I had known chasing my dreams would leave me so worn and sometimes even heartbroken, I don't think I would have started.
But I did start, with a leap of faith. I had high hopes, a little bit of confidence, and a whole lot of fear. I set out on this path of crazy dreams because I knew, deep down in my soul, that this was what God wanted. He opened too many doors for this to be the wrong way. He worked too many details out for this be coincidence. He answered too many prayers for this to be anything but his will.
It wasn't long before the battles started, though, and doubt started creeping in. This was not an easy road. The harder things got, the more my confidence slipped. If this was what He wanted, then why was it so hard? Shouldn't it be easier to follow His plan? Shouldn't He pave the way and make things easier for me here?
As I wondered if I made a mistake, God gently reminded me that His will is never followed without a fight. Abraham hoped in God until it looked like all hope was lost - then God came through and fulfilled His promises. Noah was mocked and scorned as he spent years following God while no one else understood. David ran from Saul and faced many attempts on his life before he became king. Following God's plan left them shattered and broken - but that just made their stories all the more amazing. We look up to them as heroes, not just because they followed God, but because they followed Him when it was hard. They followed Him when they didn't understand. They followed Him when they doubted. They followed Him when they were scared to death.
I don't understand why this road had been so much harder than I imagined. I've cried so many tears. I've faced times when all hope seemed to fade away. I've failed more times than I can count. I've come to the end of my strength and realized that God is my only hope of seeing this through, so I cling to Him with all that I have left.
Maybe that's the point - when we're ready to quit, ready to lay down our dreams and walk away, God stands by, ready to pick them up and carry them for us. He stands ready to show us that our dreams will only be accomplished through Him. He is our strength. He is our hope. He is the One who gave us our dreams in the first place, and He is the One who will carry us through to the finish line.